Dark Humour.

Post your dark humour jokes. Frankie Boyle esq.

Move to Comedy Club.

Thread Moved

Cheers Kerry.

The only thing I hate more than diggers is autocorrect on my iPhone.

Michael Jackson trial latest:

Dr Conrad Murray tells the court about Jackson's dramatic weight loss....

"Michael had gotten so thin that all of his pyjama's were far too big for him, but fortunately he could still squeeze into children's bottoms."

I was just finishing my pint off in the pub last night when this really sexy black girl came up to me and said:

"Hey handsome...would you like to walk me home?"

"You can fuck right off hen.....Africa's 5,617 miles away!"

Just slept with a girl who had eczema.....

What a cracking fanny she had!

Paul McCartney is still finding it hard to adapt to married life with his new wife......

When she asks for a footrub, he keeps on reaching for the sandpaper.

Dark humor is not my cup of dead liquidized baby!

Hahahahahahaha^

A fat burd walks by a pet shop, and a parrot shouts "Haw you!"

"Aye, wut is it?" she replies

"Yer a fat ugly cunt by the way!"

Disgusted with what she just heard, she stormed off home.

The next day as she is walking by the pet store, the exact same thing happens. She goes in and gives the manager dogs abuse and tells him that if it happens again "Am foning the polis!"

So the next day, as she is swaggering by the pet store...the parrot shouts "Haw you!"

Thinking she is going to recieve an apology from the rude bird, she replies "Yes?"

The Parrot cheekily replied......"Aye you fucking know wut!"

Some African bloke walked into my local pub holding a bucket this afternoon.

He handed it to me and said "Can you fill this up with water please?"

"Fuck me" I said..."how many miles have you just walked for that?"

"Fuck up ya cheeky cunt.....I'm the new window cleaner!"

Two liars were walking down the street when one turned to the other and said:

"See that cliff up there....I jumped off of it last night!"

"I know" said the other liar "I saw you".

Man says to his doctor:

"Doctor, for two weeks now i have done a shite at 7am"

"Nothing wrong with that?"repolies the doc

"Well" says the man "I don't actually wake up till 8am!"

A gang of dwarves were recently thinkg about robbing their local butchers...but in the end, they all agreed that the steaks were too high.

My mate tells me he cries everytime after sex.......

Mind you, he is in Barlinnie.................

David Murray is in crippling debt

What's 30 foot long and wrapped round a cunt?

A turban.

The last time I saw Man United fans get fucked this bad, Ian Huntley got put in prison for it.

I just told you that. It did actually shock me when I read it earlier though.

Same.

JaggySnake wrote:
The last time I saw Man United fans get fucked this bad, Ian Huntley got put in prison for it.

Indeed, bad yin.

anybody on that facebook page.......

getting shampoo in your eyes ? funny as fuck but but bad for racism

Q. Whats the difference between a pizza and a dead baby?

A. You don't fuck a pizza before putting in the oven.

What black,white and lies in a corner for 8 months?

Steven Naismith's Boots/

Q. How many jews can you fit in a mini?

A. Two in the front, Two in the back and about 6 million in the ash tray.

"Good morning, Direct Line Insurance, can I help you?"

"Yes, I read somewhere that my policy covers me for in-car entertainment?"

"Absolutely sir. What is the problem?"

"A dead prostitute."

Has anybody else noticed the gaping flaw in this whole Terry vs Ferdinand racism case?

Ferdinand isn't even Black.